. . . in the distant, early morning . . .

Australia. Where is home?

I was asked the other day about traveling. There aren’t many places I feel a burning desire to visit. I would like to go to Alaska, Ireland, and Scotland. Maybe Spain. 

But even given opportunities to travel to other locations, I am hesitant. I am a homebody. I like home. I have my bed, Elka, Milton, Mali, comfort and happiness.

So after discussing this, I was asked if  I’d go back to Australia if given the chance. My mouth took over and said, “yes!”

I ....  love Aus.  I loved Canberra even.  But when I was there i endlessly longed to have my family around,  my friends. My life in Australia came at a fairly high cost in terms of human connections   

Yet, doubtably, when i think of Aus, it feels like home. Maybe coming home was, also, at too high a cost. 

Maybe now, that is why home doesn’t entirely feel like my forever home, why I still search and don’t feel entirely settled. 

I keep trying to figure it out, but some of those memories are hard. I still have too many heartfelt regrets, lost love, all of it. I am not sure how to reconcile that with the strong, independent,  woman that I have become. 

I don’t know how to be both people, and I definitely don’t know how to find “home”.

Would I return to Australia?  Absolutely. 

Would I find peace there?  Maybe some day I’ll find out.  

-Lisa, on September 3, 2010 at 2:03 pm

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