. . . in the distant, early morning . . .

Having Children

I don’t want babies. I don’t like babies.  I like some children, but most I find to be under-trained, ill-behaved annoyances.

Chris and I have been considering him moving here, and us trying a relationship again (for the 8th, 10th, or 500th time?) and the discussion on children came up, after a discussion on “man caves”  and the need to be able to get away and have some alone time.

I’ve talked about this before, and I’d like to share again.

My view on children is that I have no need to procreate.  There are so many un-wanted children in our foster and uh, shelter system - there’s no shortage of children to go around for those that feel the need to have kids.

And I would like to help those kids out. I want to try to make those kids feel loved.

Here’s the thing.  I don’t feel any need to go through pregnancy, birth a child, nurse it, and raise it.  Instead, I’d prefer to help those unwanted children, 7-10+, that are languishing and suffering in “the system”.  I’d like to find ways to make connection with those kids, especially the “troubled” ones, and help them realize their own dreams.

My family is, like many families, host to a myriad of health issues that are genetically passed.  Do I want to pass those on to a child?

But my family also has love, caring, intelligence, and connection.  These are things I would like to share with children, and that is why I want to foster, and potentially adopt children.  I am lucky in that I have the means to provide a wonderful home for a child, and I have the love, dedication, and patience to make important connections.

I just don’t feel that child has to come from my womb.

Having children is ultimately an extremely important part of any relationship.  Compromising on this can tear a couple apart.  I don’t deride anyone’s choice to have their own family, from their own, shared genes.  For many, this is a vital part of their life.

But for me, it’s not.

And I do want to have a family, it’s an important part of my life view, and how I see myself.  But I don’t want to go the traditional route on this one. 

Instead, I want to pass on a legacy of love, caring, trust, and compassion to a child that I can help take out of “the system” and teach, so that they can go on to lead a long, happy life.

Because all kids - all people - deserve to be loved.  And there are just too many out there already that have never felt that.

This is one place where I can be part of the solution.

So I will be.

-Lisa, on April 17, 2011 at 12:43 pm

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