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I bruised a rib.
Well, who knows. All I know is now when I cough, it hurts like hell. I’m going on 3 months of having this cough. My methacholine challenge is on Monday at the hospital.
After my spirometry test at the pulmonologist, I didn’t cough all morning - for that reason, they gave me an inhaler. Well that worked once, after that it made me cough more, so I haven’t used it since Wednesday. Coughing more is the opposite of what I want.
I don’t really know what I hope for from this challenge. If I do have asthma, and this cough-variant asthma then that’s… well it’d be a diagnosis. I’m not excited by that - not because I don’t want asthma (well, I don’t, but at least we’d know what was going on) but because using an albuterol inhaler made me cough more, so trying one out for 6-8 weeks fills me with a sense of dread. Though we could try a different type of inhaler, I guess.
All I really want is the cough to stop. I want to take a deep breath without hacking up a lung. I want to run again. I want to move without feeling I’ve cracked a rib or been beaten up. These used to seem like minor desires that I took for granted; not anymore.
What’s worst is that this cough is interfering with work. I need Monday afternoon, my team needs me Monday afternoon. But everyone is being very supportive about me needing to keep this hospital appointment - but I don’t want to have to make that decision. I like work. Part of what I’m needed for Monday is something that I’ve, in large part, put into motion, dammit.
It’s so frustrating that I want to scream, but I can’t do that, because guess what! - screaming makes me cough. I even thought about buying a punching bag so I could take out frustration that way. Do you know what I’d like? I’d like to go to LA Fitness and swim in their wonderful saltwater pool. Now, that might actually be ok - it seems that I cough less in moist environments, such as my shower; so much so that I even invested in a high end humidifier in the hopes of getting some damn sleep. Or, I could be swimming, start coughing, be unable to breathe, and drown from coughing.
So now I’ve moved on to exaggeration. But seriously, this is frustrating the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile my two young dogs are being very good - and I’m spending money on daycare for them more since even walking them isn’t all that possible right now. I won’t go into the nitty gritty of what happens when a female coughs really hard - but it does mean I stay closer to home, and my dogs need exercise and enrichment. Elka doesn’t play fetch, and doesn’t play that hard with me - not enough to get her energy out; and Milton needs more than fetch though he plays it til he drops. Then comes in and chases Mali out of boredom.
I’ve almost run out of ideas on tricks to teach the dogs. Mental enrichment is getting harder. Going to have to step it up to multi-step, complex tricks. Like getting me a glass of wine… for example.
But drinking wine also makes me cough.
Anyway. I really just wrote this post to update people, and even more so, to rant, bitch, whine, moan, complain, and cough, cough, cough some more.
In all other aspects, life is going really well. Love work, love my house, love that it’s been raining out. Just gotta ditch this freaking cough.
-Lisa, on September 24, 2010 at 9:00 pm