Things and stuff.

Just putting something here so the RIP posts for Elka & Milton aren’t the top-most post.

As for them? I miss them and there’s no way to make a big enough statement to encompass the big feelings. I have a memorial wall, photos everywhere. I still cry nearly every day over them. I also feel at peace; I had a lot of time with them. I gave them a good life – not great, because of the abuse I, myself endured – but a good life.

As for me? I’m doing amazing. I’m at my lowest adult weight ever, only in the “overweight” range, and on track to hit my goal weight by September. I intermittent fast nearly every day, cook giant meals of low calories thanks to volume eating, and walk 2-5 miles every day. I set up a stand for my yoga trapeze/trx/wodfit rubber bands and went from being able to do only 4 assisted pull-ups (blue band, not even on the strong, black band) and this morning I did eight assisted pull-ups! That’s in less than a week.

I see K 1-2x/week and may explore opening up my social circle now that the pandemic seems to be…. more manageable? Thanks, summer.

In EMDR now 2x/week dealing with the many years of trauma inflicted by my exes. Learning a lot about myself, how I got there, why I stayed, and how to heal and keep myself safe now.

Anyway, no one I know reads this anymore since I quit writing. Blogging made way for social media. Are small, personal blogs even a thing anymore? Who the hell knows. But here I am, randomly and rarely writing here.

RIP Elka 🌈💔

Last week was a good week. By that I mean that all of the days on Elka’s calendar were green.

Thursday, Elka and I went on several outdoor strolls around the yard, training with treats. In the morning she gave me a for real kiss. We had a habit of “kiss kiss” before breakfast, which would often only be a nose target. Thursday she gave me a soft aroo and a for real kiss. I remember feeling so filled with joy at her kiss and giving her one right back. 💖

She had a blood work appointment in the morning and we went on a short drive after before coming home. She laid down and enjoyed the ride.

Thursday evening I gave all the dogs bones. At some point in the evening, Elka aroo’d from the kitchen, asking for help getting up. Her aroos had become soft and airy, a bit hoarse and even more endearing.

I helped her up and she came to the den and let me spend hours loving on her. I was doing actual consent tests like seeing if she’d ignore an ear scratch or lean in, because I knew she often had a limit of affection she wanted. She always leaned in. On Thursday, she always wanted more. I was happy to be with her, loving on her. All the animals were nearby, staying close.

She gave my hands kisses for many minutes. She was more clingy, more affectionate, more present than she had been in months.

In hindsight, I think this was the last energy her beautiful body had. The last bit of life. She gave me the greatest gift she possibly could – a surge of energy and vitality, of life, to share one more beautiful and grand day with me and her family.

I miss her so much and I am so grateful for that last, wonderful, long and beautiful day, and having that time where Elka was with me, vital, alive, with light in her eyes – one more time.